Updated: Dec 7, 2018
It’s hard for me to even press keys on the subject of pregnancy because I am still in shock. It took us nearly two years to create this little thing inside me and even with all the symptoms a first trimester brings -- I still don’t think it’s real.
All I know for sure is that every single woman’s journey to and through pregnancy is different. Mine began at a young age because all I could think about was having babies… long before I realized you needed semen to do so.
At my first OBGYN appointment sometime in high school I remember asking the doctor if everything was okay down there, because I heard things can happen and then you can’t have kids. She laughed, but I was dead serious. I knew I was meant to have an army of babies, I just didn’t realize what it would take to get there or at this point almost there.
So, when it was time to get the baby making on I magically thought the birth control stops, semen meets egg, and 9 months later a mini me is here. It wasn’t that easy.
Before we got married we decided to wait one year before having kids. We knew it was important to spend time with each other and adjust to a new life, one with him in his first year of residency and one with me navigating NYC. I got an IUD because my doctor said once it was out women had no trouble conceiving.
Except, six months after mine was out, still no baby. As each month went by I became heartbroken. It was so easy to not get pregnant I couldn’t understand how getting pregnant was actually hard.
Eventually, I wound up at a fertility clinic because if woman under 30 do not conceive in the first six months it is normal to begin initial fertility checkups or whatever the medical term is.
What I didn’t know I walked into that early Thursday morning was a baby-making factory. Women and their partners everywhere, like zero open chairs, waiting room packed, all trying to bring life into this world.
And there I was. Waiting for my name to be called and my “case” assigned to whatever doctor had a few minutes to glance at my uterus. We began with a history of my health, nothing abnormal, we then moved on to blood work, a few transvaginal scans and when nothing out of the ordinary was detected, I was sent to a clinic to have a balloon blown up in my fallopian tubes, again normal.
The fertility doctors at this point couldn’t find anything that was getting in the way of us making this baby. So we tried naturally a bit more.
And after not conceiving again for a few months we went back to the baby-making factory for our first round of IUI’s or in layman's terms the turkey baster method. I had the world’s most glorious sperm shot directly into my uterus four times and not once did it stick.
Being supposedly young and healthy, we gave it another break. If you aren’t familiar with how fertility/infertility monitoring goes, you go in most mornings when they believe you are ovulating, because of course you’re taking hormones to force your body to, and they measure the size of your follicles. Once the follicle reaches between 18-36 mm it is go time and you proceed with the doctors method of choice to make you a baby.
I was completely exhausted. I hated waking up and having an ultra-sounding stick inserted into my vagina daily. It was unpleasant and most of all it was stressing me out, which I believe was making me less likely to get prego and less likely to try and want to do it the natural way.
I was beat down and depressed. I couldn’t understand why it wasn’t happening for me.
Fast forward after us taking, yet again, another break from fertility treatments we went in to discuss another option, IVF. To our surprise my husband’s insurance covered all of the costs and we were sold. We had heard rumors of it costing a fortune which is why we always thought it wasn’t an option.
So, on August 21, 2018 a giant box of fertility drugs arrived at my apartment. The content included more needles than any drug addict had ever had their hands on and enough pills to make a ball pit. We were getting this baby.
Except, a few days before August 21st, I went to the mikveh and prayed harder than I ever prayed in my life. On September 8th as we were waiting for my period to arrive to begin the IVF process it never came…
At this point I was three days late. It’s Saturday morning, Ilya is sleeping in for his one day off that month and I decide, what the hell, I’ll take a test. Because there is no way it will be positive, it hasn’t been positive every month for almost two years.
And then, double solid pink line, I’m pregnant. It is unbelievable. I wake Ilya up and of course he doesn’t believe me. I run down to Rite Aid half dressed and buy two more tests. In shock again, I chug a gallon of water and for some reason cannot pee. Ilya is confused because all I ever do is pee and the one time it’s actually important, I can’t.
Then I get an urge to poop. I head for the bathroom with Ilya trailing behind me. He says that every time you poop you pee so I quickly open a new pregnancy test and wait. He is also excited so he is encouraging me to pee pee pee and then as I am holding the test awkwardly down there, I poop. The test is broke and no pee ever comes.
Nearly 20 minutes later, all I have to do is pee and instantly a positive. There is a baby inside me and on September 11th it was confirmed via a blood test.
It’s been a journey people and although I went through a lot of challenges and emotions I know it still isn’t over. It’s just another chapter in the book of life.