Mazal Tov! You’ve found your one and only and it’s been nothing but bliss since you walked down the aisle. But honey, I’ve got some news for you: marriage isn’t all unicorns and rainbows, although at times it can come pretty close.
Marriage is work, kind of like an intense session of Kayla Itsines’ Sweat workouts, except you don’t stop. Maybe that’s a little dramatic, but hello, have you met me?
Today’s topic of conversation is something our mother’s call the “honeymoon phase." You know that special time frame when your one and only can do no wrong? For instance, when they steal all the covers at night and you slowly, very gently pull them back while holding your breath just so as not to disturb their slumber? Or right after you move in together and every time you try to go pee you fall into the toilet because the seat is up, and you don’t even get the slightest bit annoyed? Or when you have sex every second of every day and spend your Saturdays naked in bed for hours and Seamless brunch?
Yes, that’s the magical time I’m talking about, your honeymoon phase. Unfortunately, anyone in a marriage knows and will tell you: it comes to an end.
But it doesn’t have to!
My marriage is approaching the two year anniversary mark and I can definitely feel the rainbows fading and the unicorns finding greener pastures. So, in semi-preparing for this part of our marriage and knowing that life couldn’t always be honeymoon sweet, I did a little planning (I love to plan, it’s a hobby of mine) and am working to be more aware of my husband and mine’s interactions.
It’s very easy to go from honeymoon bliss to zonking out and binge watching TV together and oh before you know it’s 11 o'clock and time for bed and you haven’t even had a real conversation with one another since ya’ll got home from work. OY VEY.
If you’re like me and a hopeless romantic, you probably wish your entire life was one big honeymoon but unfortunately, that’s not the real world. Based off of my experience I’m giving you a few tips to bring back the honeymoon phase that none of us can't get enough of!
RISE & SHINE BOO: SPEND A FEW MINUTES TOGETHER IN THE MORNING
Most days, Ilya goes to work way earlier than I do, and in the beginning of our marriage I used to make a real effort to wake up with him and at least have a few sips of coffee so we could spend some time together. As time went on though, this girl just wanted to sleep in. I noticed that with his busy schedule, not having our mornings together was cutting into quality bae-on-bae time. Now, at least a few times a week, I wake up with him (even though it’ll take an extra large iced coffee to get me through the day) just so I can see his face a little longer.
SCRUBBA-DUB-DUB: EVEN IF YOU'RE NOT DIRTY, JUMP IN THE SHOWER WITH HIM (OH HER)
As you two morph into one being, you’ll eventually become independent people again within your marriage. You’ll get into your routines and will form new ones together. What I recommend - and learned this from my parents because I caught them in the shower all the time growing up, sorry if you’re reading mom - another fabulous way to get some skin on skin action is to hop in the shower with one another. Ilya and I are on total opposite schedules so sometimes he showers before he goes in at night or I shower before work, giving each other a little scrubba-dub-dub can actually turn into quality conversation. No one ever said you couldn’t talk about bills or students loans in the shower!
L'CHAIM: START HAVING SHABBAT TOGETHER
Ilya and I have always, always made it a priority to have a Shabbat meal together. Shabbat is a great excuse to put the phones down, eat some delicious food, and get to know each other all over again. You can even light your Shabbat candles on your table to set the mood. Shabbat has become my favorite day of the week because I know we’ll have that one-on-one time together that’s so precious. If you’re not Jewish you can still utilize the “Shabbat method” and schedule a weekly, standing dinner with each other where theme is focused on you two.
SPOON ME BABY: CUDDLE, SPOON, CUDDLE, SPOON, REPEAT.
Men probably hate this, but I love a good cuddle and spoon sesh. Be sure to never forget to hold each other. Time goes by so fast and before you know it, you’ll be busy with work and kids and never have the time to just hang out in each other’s arms. I’ve made a rule in my house that even if Ilya is staying up later than me and I’m already in bed, he has to come hold me for a few seconds just to comfort me and help me relax. It doesn’t matter if you’re hanging out watching Netflix; make sure you’re all up in each other’s business getting that crucial skin on skin action. I call this SOS time, and now I’ll literally just say “SOS time!” when we’re Netflix and Chilling if I need a good spoon. Works like a charm.
BYE GIRL: SAY A PROPER GOODBYE
This is another observation I made as a child, before my mom or dad would ever leave the house they’d make sure to lay a big wet one on each other and say I love you. This is something I adore. It doesn’t matter who is running to catch the train first, you always have time to stop and show each other how in love you are with them.
Whether you just got married, are newly engaged, or have been married 50 years, you can always get back into that honeymoon phase! How do you keep the honeymoon phase going? Comment below or email firstname.lastname@example.org.